When Hiashi Wants Grandkids
by Your Pet Peeve
Summary: .:CRACK!Fic:. When Hiashi wants grandkids, Neji and Tenten are screwed. .:A LOT OF OOCNESS:.
1. I'm Neji's WHAT!

**Hello all!**

**New story! (Don't get mad at me about Hallowbeach...please?)**

**I made this because there isn't a lot of fic's with Hiashi in this so I thought it would be funny.**

**Disclaimer: Never will I own the greatness that is Naruto.**

**Okay! I hope you like it!**

* * *

**When Hiashi Wants Grandkids...**

**By Chibi Shino**

Chapter 1: _I'm Neji's WHAT?!_

It was early and Hiashi was sitting with his three children, Hinata, Hanabi and Neji. Well..Neji wasn't exactly his CHILD, but ever since his brother died, he thought of himself as his dad...even though he doesn't show it...EVER. When the chef surved the breakfast to the little Hyuga family. Hiashi thanked the chef as they set down the food and left. He watched as the three children in front of him dug in happily then picked up a fork and started to cut one of his pancakes. "Neji." Hiashi said, rather stearnly.

"Yes?" Neji responded.

"How old are you?"

Neji stared at him for a moment before responding. "18."

"Ah."

Silence. Sounds of chewing on pancakes. More silence.

"You know..." Hiashi started, breaking the silence. The three other Hyuga's stared at him curiously. "I've been thinking..."

"About what, father?" Hinata asked politely. Hanabi stared at her father, wating for him to say something. Neji shrugged and took a a piece of pancake and popped it into his mouth.

"I want grandkids." The words slipped out of Hiashi's mouth with liquid ease.

Hinata's eyes went wide, Hanabi clapped a hand over her mouth to supress her giggles and Neji choked on his pancake. They all stared at Neji as he was punching his stomach trying to get the pancake out of his windpipe. A few minutes later, Neji got it out. How could he hold his breath for a few minutes? He's a ninja silly! "W-What?!" He yelled, trying to register what his 'dad' just said in his mind.

"I want grandkids." Hiashi repeated. Neji's eyes widened. "And I want them within a year." Great. Just GREAT. "I want them popping out like bunnies." Hiashi had to put that image there, didn't he?

"Umm..Daddy." Hanabi said. Everyone turned to the small girl. "Did you take your medication this morning?" She asked.

"Well I never!" Hiashi yelled, clearly insulted. Hinata giggled and gave her a high-five. Neji just smirked and started on his cereal. Hiashi turned in his direction. "Oh. And Neji." He said.

"Hm?" Neji said as he took a spoonful of cereal.

"I want you to be the father." Neji spewed out all of his cereal. First the pancakes now this?!

"WHAT?!" Yelled a suprised Neji.

"I want you to be the father. The mother would be of your choice, but of course if you want a pure Hyuga baby, you can take Hinata."

They all turned to him. Did he say what they THINK he just said? Hanabi, once again, clamped a hand over her mouth. Hinata stared wide-eyed at her father. Neji just sat there, staring at Hiashi like he had magically grown another eye or something. Muffled giggling was heard and Hanabi was the culprt. She removed her hand from her mouth. "HA HA! NEJI-NII-SAN HAS TO DO IT WITH HINATA!" She teased, laughing.

Neji glared.

Why was fate never on his side?

"Okay then! It's decided! The mother will be-!" Hiashi started untill...

"NEJI!" Came a scream from afar. Before anyone could even say 'Waffles', the door slamed open to reveal a angry looking Tenten. "Neji! THERE you are! You're late for training!" She stomped her way up to him, grabbed him by the sholders and started to shake him furiously. "WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?! WHEN ANYONE ELSE IS LATE YOU NEVER LET US FORGET IT! NOW I WON'T LET YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE LATE! LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE LATE! YOU ARE LATE!" She yelled. The three others stared on in horror. Suddenly Hiashi had an evil look in his eye.

"Tenten..." He said. Hinata and Hanabi stared at eachother.

Oh oh. He finished the sentence.

"Did he just say-?" Hinata whispered to Hanabi.

"He did." She whispered back.

Tenten dropped Neji and turned to Hiashi. "Did you just say my name?" She asked.

Hiashi nodded. "Yes. You are offically Neji's mate/wife." Tenten and Neji's eyes opened wide. She opened her mouth. "No, you do not have any say in this." She clamped her mouth shut.

Silence filled the room. AWKWARD silence.

Tenten, meet the family!

* * *

**Okay! That's the first chappie! Was it okay?**

**I was thinking of making this into a one-shot, but I think a story would be a lot funnier!**

**Well...should I continue? Stop? Please tell me in a review!**

**Oh! AND THERE WILL BE NO LEMON**

**Sorry...had to get that point across!**

**R&R please!**

**-Chibi Shino**


	2. What? BABY WHO?

**Wow. O.O...I woke up this morning to find out I have 16 reviews!**

**When I got back from school, that turned to 19!**

**NOW it's 32! Thank you all so much!**

**I'n so happy! XD**

**I thought you would hate it 'cause it's Chibi Shino being dirty...**

**...VERY dirty..**

**Disclaimer: Me owning Naruto is like NejiHinata...IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.**

**Okay...LET'S CONTINUE!**

* * *

**When Hiashi Wants Grandkids...**

**By Chibi Shino**

**Chapter 2: **_What? BABY WHO?_

Tenten stood there in silence, everything registering in her brain. Did Hiashi just call her Neji's WIFE? Wait. Forget wife for a second. MATE?! "Hiashi..." She said, lowering her head. Suddenly her head popped up and she yelled, "I REFUSE TO BE PUT INTO AN ARANGED MARRAGE!"

"How dramatic.." Hanabi sassed.

Hiashi just sat there, staring at Tenten. Tenten kept her straight face. He sighed and walked up to Tenten. "Tenten." He put a hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump a little. "This is for MY own good. This might hurt you, but it's all worth it for me." Tenten glared even harder at him. He once again sighed. "Neji. Come over here." Neji stared at Hiashi curiously but followed orders anyway. "Stay right there." Hiashi commanded. He walked out of the room.

That move left Hinata, Hanabi, Neji and Tenten alone. Silence. Sounds of Hanabi giggling and Hinata eating her breakfast filled the room. More silence. Toilet flushing. More silence. Suddenly, Hiashi came back...but what was he planning?

Hmm...glasses on his nose...random book...a random stand...and two certificates...

Oh god. Neji. Tenten. RUN.

All they did was stare at him. Hiashi beconed Neji and Tenten over. They stared at Hiashi, then at eachother, then back at Hiashi. They shrugged and walked over to him. "Yes?" Neji asked politely.

Hiashi smirked. He walked behind the random stand and place the book on it. He cleared his throat. Hinata and Hanabi watched with intrest, eating their pancakes. "We are gathered here today..." Hiashi started. Neji and Tenten's eyes went wide. No. That's it. They will NOT allow this!

"HOLD UP, HOLD UP..." Tenten said, putting a hand out.

Hiashi turned to the Panda Bear Kunochi. "Yes?" he said politely.

"I am NOT getting married here." She stated.

"Okay."

"Huh?"

"Okay." Hiashi repeated closing the book. Tenten sighed out of relief and Neji smirked. Great. Thank god that's not gonna happen... "That's okay if you want Neji to marry Hinata!" Hiashi, you don't know how much Neji wants to kill you right now. Hinata kept the urge to punch her father out of her system. Neji turned to Tenten. "Yes ARE you okay with that?" Neji asked. His eyes read 'Make me marry her and your funeral is coming sooner than you think.'.

Tenten growled and looked to the floor. So Tenten what will it be? Hyugacest or Tenji? She sighed and, without looking up, said, "Go on with the damn vows..." Hiashi smiled. He wins!

"We are gathered her today to blah blah blah blah...this man and woman...blah blah blah blah...so Tenten, do you take Neji to your husband?" Hiashi said.

"I don't-" She started.

"Want Hiashi to kill me prematurely so I say yes." Hiashi finished. Hanabi and Hinata giggled. "And do you Neji take Tenten to be your wife?"

"I do not-" Neji started.

"Want to follow Tenten shortly after so I will also say yes." Hiashi once again finished. The newlyweds sighed. GREAT... "Okay! Now sign these papers so that you will be offically married!"

Tenten growled."I REFUSE-"

"To think that Hiashi will kill me fast, BUT.HE.WILL." Hiashi growled. Tenten sighed and signed the papers, knowing there was no way to get out of this. Neji also signed, not wanting to anger Hiashi anymore. Hiashi picked up the papers and smirked to the pair. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Now you may go make babies!" Neji and Tenten glared at him. Like HELL they are! Hiashi turned to them and whispered, "There's a empty room down the hall...feel free to use it.."

Tenten yelled out a fustrated "UGH!" and stomped out of the room. Neji sighed and followed her. Hiashi smiled. Grandkids, HERE COMES LIFE! Hanabi and Hinata shrugged and continued to eat their pancakes.

What a weird morning...

:X:

"Great. I'm married to Hyuga. GREAT." Tenten sighed as she shut the bathroom door. "Why me? WHY ME?" She yelled to no one in particular.

"Because you barged in when I was eating breakfast." Neji finished from outside.

"Well I wouldn't have barged in if you hadn't have been LATE." Tenten replied.

"Ah. Touche."

"I guess we have to go back to Gai and Lee..."

"Yeah..."

:X:

"And where do you think you're going?" Hiashi asked, crossing his arms and blocking Neji and Tenten's way out of the door. Damn...this guy was DETERMIND. "I thought you were..erm...BABIES..." The two ninja's stared at the Hyuga head.

WHAT THE CRAP?!

"Hiashi...we will not...erm...BABY untill we want too." Neji said calmly. Hiashi started to glare at him. "Listen. We just need to go and train. THEN we will baby." He continued.

Hiashi smirked. "That's better." He walked away, leaving a blushing Neji and a shocked Tenten.

Tenten just stood there. "What?" Her eyes went wide. "You are going to make me...BABY with you?" She put a hand on her hip and started to tap her foot. She looked at the ground and smirked "Wow... I seriously can't believe this. This is the LAST time you're missing training." She looked up to see Neji with a hand over his mouth. She gave him a confused look. "Neji? What are you-?"

"Pfft-he actually believed that..." Tenten's eyes went wide as she saw the Hyuga prodigy giggling. GIGGLING. "Wow...pttf...wow..." Tenten smiled and started to giggle too. "Baby...heh..." Neji continued. Suddenly they started to burst out laughing. "Yeah! I'm going to BABY you Tenten!" Neji laughed.

Tenten started to roll on the ground. "YES NEJI! I WOULD LOVE TO BABY YOU!" After they wiped their tears, they started to so out the front door.

Little did they know, Hiashi was listening the whole time...

:X:

"Hey! Why are you guys so late?" Lee asked, striking the 'good guy' pose as Neji and Tenten approched.

Neji and Tenten look at eachother and gulped. "Well?" Gai urged.

"We're..kinda...married..." Tenten said, slowly.

Lee and Gai looked at them for a second, then to eachother, then back to them. "What?" They said in unison.

* * *

**Heh heh! XD I had to put the Lee and Gai finding out moment in here!**

**Sorry for the OOC on Neji's part, but I thought it would be funny if they kept that joke going!**

**I STILL can't believe how many reviews I'm getting! Thank you all so much!**

**R&R please!**

**-Chibi Shino**


	3. GIVE HIM BACK!

**O.O...wow...62 reviews...this is...THIS IS...**

**THIS IS MADNESS! XD**

**I can't believe how many reviews I'm getting! Thank you all so much!**

**Did you notice I changed the summary a little bit?**

**Well I did...**

**Disclaimer: Own Naruto I don't and talk like Yoda I can't. Like Star Wars I don't. Typing like this I don't know why.**

**Okay. LET'S CONTINUE!**

* * *

**When Hiashi Wants Grandkids...**

**By Chibi Shino**

**Chapter 3: **_GIVE HIM BACK!_

"I said we are..." Tenten started, then she suddenly looked to the ground. "...married..." Lee and Gai just stood there. His teammates/pupils got married?! When did THIS happen?! Before they could say anything Tenten continued. "This is not want we wanted. I was just trying to get him to come to training when SOMEBODYS uncle forced us to get married!" Neji glared at her, but she ignored. Lee and Gai listened with interest. "To make matters worse, he wanted us to have...make...HAVE AND MAKE BABIES!"

The two green beast's eyes bulged. That's the last time THEY'RE late for training!

The green shinobi turned around and started to whisper amongst themselves. "WHAT?! Tenten and Neji?! MARRIED?! There has got to be some mistake!" Lee whispered urgently.

Gai nodded. "How could this happen?!" He whisper-yelled. "I mean, HOW?!"

"I have no idea Gai-sensei! They don't look to happy though..." Lee pointed in there direction. Gai looked and agreed with Lee. They were way too young! This will NEVER work!

Tenten was sitting crosslegged on the ground and shouting at Neji, claiming it was all is fault. Neji sighed and calmly replied that it was actually Hiashi's fault for not controling his actions. Gai and Lee just sighed. They're better off as friends... They sat down and started to think. How could they help them? Whta could they do? Suddenly Gai jumped up.

"What is it Gai-sensei?" Lee asked.

Gai turned to him a smiled. "We are going to have to break of the marriage!" He proclaimed. Lee stared at him. Let the chaos begin!

"Guys?" Gai and Lee turned to see Tenten standing there.

"Yes Tenten?" Asked Lee.

"Are we going to train or not?" Tenten questioned. Lee nodded and stood up as Gai tried to think of some plans.

Seconds later, Gai yelled. "Okay my pupils! Come over here!" The three students stared at him curiously, but walked over to him anyway.

"Yes?" Neji politely asked.

Gai turned to him. "We are going to have lunch at someone's house!"

Tenten turned to Neji and whispered, "Man...we reallly were late...you were just having breakfast!"

"Hn." Replied Neji.

Gai continued. "It is decided that we are going to Neji's house!" Neji jumped. Gai smiled and turned to him. "Is there a problem?" He asked.

"Yes. If we go there, he's going to make me and Tenten have..." He choaked on his own words.

"Have?" Lee urged.

"...s-s...I can't say it..." Neji finished.

Lee stared at him, then figured it out. "Oh! Want's you to have se-!" Gai slapped a hand over him mouth.

"X! He want's you to have X!" Gai yelled. Lee stared at him curiously. "The great writer from above doesn't want to type that word..."

"I don't want to go back to that house for a while." Neji replied calmly.

Gai smiled. "Then I guess we have to go to Tenten's house!" Everyone nodded and started to head for Tenten's apartment, except for Gai who was staring at them weirdly.

"What is wrong Gai-sensei?" Lee asked.

"You're going the wrong way!" Gai yelled.

Tenten stared at him curiously. That's the way see always goes to her house. "Yes it is." She said, pointing in the direction she was walking. "Why apartment building is right behind those trees."

"No it isn't." Gai said. With that comment, he got on Tenten's nerves.

"Gai-sensei..I think I know where my own house is..." She growled.

"Apparently you don't." He replied. Okay. NOW he's dead. Before she had a chance to pounce Gai said, "You now live in the Hyuga Compound, don't you?" Tenten growled. She hated when he was right. Gai smiled. "Okay! Of to the Hyuga's!" He started to walk ahead of the group, completely oblivious to the glares of two certain students.

:X:

"You first."

"No."

"It's your house."

"It's now apparently yours too."

"It was yours first."

"Just go in."

As Neji and Tenten argued, Lee and Gai watched. Lee sighed and opened the door. Everyone watched as he stepped in. Suddenly, a cage fell on him. Everyone's eyes widened as Hiashi popped out of the shadows. "HA! Now you HAVE to make babies! I trapped you in that chakra incoated cage!" He yelled. Neji and Tenten let out a sigh of relief. Glad they didn't step in first. Hiashi's eyes went wide as he saw a, now crying, Lee in the cage. Hiashi's face now was covered in an evil smile. "Fine. If I can't make you 'do it' willingly, I'LL KIDNAP YOUR TEAMMATE AND KEEP HIM WITH ME!" Hiashi closed the cage, and ran off with it.

Neji and Tenten stood there. Great. MORE pressure.

"LEE! No! We must save him!" Gai yelled. Neji and Tenten nodded. They sat down and started to devise a plan. "Okay. I have a plan." Gai said. The others turned to him. "Okay. We split up and find him. Got it?" Neji sighed. Wow. That's it? Nevertheless, he nodded and went inside. Tenten went the other way. Gai smiled. Gai went straight.

Mission: Find Lee...START!

* * *

**Ohhh...CLIFFIE!**

**Sorry for the uberlate update!**

**I promise I'll try to update faster!**

**R&R please!**

**-Chibi Shino**


	4. LEE HUNT!

**O.o...wow...reviews...**

**A LOT of reviews...**

**Thank you all mu-**

**SMACK! THUMP!**

**Naruto: THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT PUTTING ME IN ONE OF OUR STORIES!**

**Me: ...T.T...jerk..**

**SMACK!**

**Me: There is mild-**

**SMACK!**

**Me: NaruHina and UdonHinabi-**

**SMACK!**

**Me: In this chappie.**

**SMACK!**

**Me: I'll make this quick!**

**SMACK!**

**Me: IDONOTOWNNARUTO! HA HA!**

**SMACK!**

* * *

**When Hiashi Wants Grandkids...**

**By Chibi Shino**

**Chapter 4: **_LEE HUNT!_

"...where did that bastard go?" Neji breathed as he jogged through the Hyuga compound. "Why does he have this unnatural obession with grandkids?" He added. He saw a slightly opened door and opened it. It was dark so he switched on a light. His eyes widened. "Oh god..." He saw Hinata chained onto the wall, Naruto next to her, crying. He immediatly ran up to them and started to cut the chains with a kunai. Seeing the up close he realised that their mouths were covered in cloth so they couldn't talk. "What happened? Who did this to you?" He ripped off the cloth from her mouth and was waiting for her reply. Hinata's left arm was freed

Hinata looked at Neji with horror-filled eyes. "...father..." She responded. Neji continued to cut the chains. Damn..this guy was crazy! "He chained us up here and said he would be back for us later!" She cried. Neji listened with intrest, planning on how to killed the head. "And...and he locked Hanabi and Udon in that cage over there!" She added, pointing to the corner. Neji turned his head to see the two people she spoke of, Hanabi and Udon. He head snapped back as the second chain fell, realising her other arm.

He threw her a kunai. "Finish cutting you chain and realise Naruto when you're done." Neji commanded. Hinata nodded and began cutting her chain furiously. Neji ran to the cage.

"Neji-nii-san!" Hanabi cried as she saw Neji running for her.

"What did he tell you?" He asked Hinabi.

"He told me 'I'll keep you in here until you are ready to have babies!'..and then he started going on about crap like that. That guy needs to lay off the skittles..." Hinabi blabbered as Neji Juukened the bars of the bage. They were free!

"HEY!" Came a yell from behind. Neji turned to see on agrivated Naruto, still hanging off the wall. "WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT TO US?!" He yelled.

Neji sighed. "Because you're annoying." He said simply.

"Ahh! You sound like Sasuke now!" Naruto yelled. Neji lead the younger ones out of the room as Hinata finished freeing Naruto. "Thank you Hinata!" Naruto thanked as he massaged his wrists.

"You're welcome! Now let's get out of here!" Hinata said, rushing out of the room. Naruto nodded and followed her. Neji walked out of the room, shut the light off and closed the door. "Neji." Neji turned to the shy Hyuga. He was suprised when she bowed. "Is there anything we can do to thank you?" She asked, still bowing. Naruto stared at Hinata and, after getting nailed in the chest by Hinata, bowed to Neji.

Neji though for a moment, then smirked. Now there's an idea...

:X:

"No."

SLAM!

"No!"

SLAM!

"NO!"

Slam!

"Where did that crazy guy take Lee to?!" Tenten yelled after she slamed yet another door shut. She sprinted down the halls. He couldn't have gotten far, could he? She opened another door and, once again, nothing. She slame it shut and moved onto the next one. She opened it and there was nothi-HELLO THERE... She had managed to find Hiashi's room. She crept inside and looked around.

Hmm...a bed...dresser...vanity...hair products...books of baby names...some more hair-HOLD UP. BABY NAMES? This guy is REALLY thinking ahead! Out of curiousity, she picked up the book and started to read the one's he circled.

Hiashi. Tipical.

Neji. How original.

Tenten. Wow.

Shikasuke. He just made that one up!

Tenji ...heh!

She sighed and shut the book. Now that she knows what names he wants, she'll be sure not to name her kids after them! She froze.

Where did THAT just come from?

:X:

"I'll just let the others handle this..." Gai sighed as he continued to watch T.V and eat his potato chips.

:X:

"...got it?" Neji asked. Hinata and Naruto nodded and got into position.

:X:

Tenten wandered down the halls, thinking about what she had just thought. Crap. She couldn't be falling for him. She SHOULDN'T be falling for him! She eould just be playing Hiashi's game! His stupid game! His stupid...stupid...game... She was his pawn. A FEMALE pawn. And Neji was his knight...a very sexy knight..with beautiful hair she would love to run her finger through as they made ou-NO! Stop. Bad Tenten. Focus! Your mission is to find Lee, not to imagine you tongue-wrestling with Neji! She sighed. She really was hopeless... She ran up the stairs to find Lee, only to run into Naruto and Hinata.

Literaly.

"Ow!" Naruto said, rubbing his head.

"Oh! Sorry Naruto! Wait..Naruto? What are you-?" Tenten started.

"Hiashi." Hinata finished. Tenten helped her up. "Anyway, we have to put Neji's plan into action! Come on Naruto!" Hinata yelled, helping the Kyuubi boy up and running down the stairs. Naruto sighed and followed her. Out of curiousity, Tenten ran after them.

What plan?

:X:

"Nothing to see here!" Gai yelled.

:X:

Neji moved a chair to the balcony. He smirked as he cluched the remote he held. This is going to good...

:X:

"Muahahaha! I have you captive LEE!" Hiashi laughed. "They will NEVER find us in these lead covered walls! Byakugan can't see though lead so HA HA to them!" Lee stared at him blankly. "What?" Hiashi asked.

"Couldn't we die of lead poisoning?" Lee asked. Hiashi thought about that for a second and...

Holy shit. He was right.

Hiashi ran to the door, open it, grabbed the cage, shoved it through the door, did the Cha-Cha-Cha, disturbed Lee doing that and dragged him down the hall. "I'm going to put you in another roo-" Hiashi started.

"Oh Naruto-kun..." He heard Hinata say. Hiashi smiled a smile that would make the devils smile look like an angels. He continued to listen with intrest.

"Hinata-chan..I can't control how much I love you!" Naruto yelled.

:X:

"Ho-ly-SHIT." Tenten said as she watched from peeking behind a corner.

:X:

Gai was asleep.

:X:

"Naruto-kun! I love with with all my heart!" Hinata yelled. Neji smirked. They were good actors!

:X:

"Let's stop the talk!" Naruto said. Hiashi leaned in, ready to hear what was next. "TAKE ME NOW YOU STUD!" He heard him yelled, then he heard a zipper go down and moans. Hiashi smiled and went to see what was happening. He was expecting to see some new clan members being made, but he was in shock. What he saw was Naruto smirking and holding a big, opened zipper and Hinata holding a hot dog, mustard smeared on her lips. Hiashi eyes widened.

Was his daughter making out with a HOT DOG?

:X:

Tenten was laughing her butt off.

:X:

Gai snored.

:X:

Neji smirked and pressed the button.

:X:

"HINATA! Why were just kissing that hot-" Hiashi started then was interupted by a big CRASH! Hiashi was now stuck in a cage!

:X:

"LEE!" Tenten yelled as she lifted the cage from above Lee's head. "Are you okay?!" She asked. Lee nodded and ran to Hiashi's cage.

"Ha!" Lee teased. "NOW who's trapped in a bage? NOW who's stuck? NOW who's screwed."

Hiashi growled. "When I get out of here, you are the first one I'm going to kill." Lee jumped and hid behind Tenten. "LET ME OUT OF THIS THIS INSTANT!" Hiashi roared.

"No." Neji said simply. He then broke the remote and jumped off the balcony. "That remote was the only way the cage could get off of you. Now you are stuck." He said. Hiashi glared at him.

Then smiled?

Hiashi used rotation and destroyed the cage. "That was a bad move! NOW I'm going to take your wife!" Hiashi yelled as he grabbed Tenten.

"OH HELL NO!" Tenten yelled as she was taken away. Great. Now they had to get TENTEN back.

Suddenly Naruto's eyes widened. "INCOMING!" He yelled, hopping away. Everyone jumped away, not knowing why.

Then they saw why. A slowly falling Hiashi was coming right for them! "AHHHH!" He screamed.

"HA!" Came the laugh of Tenten.

"AHHH!"

"HA!"

"AHHH!" Said the still falling Hiashi.

"Ha!"

"AHHH!" Hiashi turned into a falling fireball.

"..ha!"

"AHHH!" He was still falling.

"...ha?"

"AHHH!"

"OH JUST FALL ALREADY!"

BOOM!

Everyone's eyes widened.

...oh shit...

* * *

**Another cliffie!**

**Don't kill me! -hides-**

**If I had some spelling mistakes, sorry! It's 10:30 right now and I'm tired!**

**R&R please!**

**-Chibi Shino**


	5. In Which a Baby Suit Is Needed

**Hello! Sorry for the really late update!**

**Reason? To put it simply...**

**SCHOOL.IS.A.DRAG.**

**...O.O...wow...100+ review for only 4 chapters?**

**Thank you all so much!**

**Disclaimer: Me owning Naruto is like NejiSaku...WHAT THE F---?! **

**Just so you know, when someone says 'F', that means they are saying the letter, not the horrible swear word that this 14 year old does not want to type. If it has lines after it, like my disclaimer, THEN I mean the swear word.**

**Okay! LET'S CONTINUE!**

* * *

**When Hiashi Wants Grandkids...**

**By Chibi Shino**

**Chapter 5: **In Which a Baby Suit Is Needed.

_Recap:_

_Everyone's eyes widened._

_...oh shit..._

_End of Recap_

:X:

Neji stood glued to the spot. This could NOT be happening. Why must fate NEVER be on his side?

Hiashi transformed into a log.

Tenten went closer to investigate. She picked the log up and stood it up. Her eyes drifted to a note that was on it. She hesitantly reached for it, hoping that Hiashi didn't do anything to it. Everyone went over to Tenten. She read the note outloud.

"Hello NEJI and TENTEN. This is Hiashi speakin-err..writing...saying that if you do not have a baby SOON, something bad will happen to your PRECIOUS VILLAGE! Oh, AND I am currently running around, forcing people to have babies! I am so evil I can't even contain myself! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

The future grandfather of your children,

Hiashi."

Neji and Tenten sighed in unison. Great. Just GREAT. Not only are they forced to be married, now if they don't have some kids, the whole village will suffer! THEY were the only ones who could save the village! Yup, no pressure...

"So how are we going to stop Hiashi?" Lee asked as he finished reading the note. There was a moment where Neji and Tenten where glaring at him. Lee sighed. "Would you rather make love or save the village?" Everyone except Lee cringed. When he said make love, it didn't sound right at all... "Well?" He urged.

Neji sighed in defeat. "We have no choice. We have to stop Hiashi."

"Oh! Can I help?!" Hanabi asked, running into the room and right Neji to Neji. Everyone turned to her. "What?" She looked at her feet. "I always wanted to save the village from a my crazy ass dad and his grandchild obsession..."

Neji put a hand on her head. "Hanabi, sometimes you have the weirdest dreams." He sighed.

Suddenly, Tenten had an evil glint in her eye, which didn't go unnoticed by Neji. "What?" He asked. She turned to Neji with an evil smile. "WHAT?" He repeated, getting freaked out. Hanabi looked freaked out because, since she was right next to Neji, it looked like Tenten was smiling evily at her.

"He said that we either had to have a kid or save the village, right?" She asked, still bearing an evil smile. Neji nodded, but when he saw her whip out a pair of handcuffs, he immediatly regreted it.

"What are those for?" He asked, backing into the wall as Tenten walked right towards him, Hanabi next to him.

Tenten pounced!

:X:

"What are you doing to me?!"

"Sorry. This is for our own good!"

"But wh-OW! THAT HURT!"

"Sorry! That thing can be very sharp!"

"I can't believe you Tenten! Who can you do this to me?! AFTER ALL THAT WE'VE BEEN THROUGH!"

"Would you rather dress up like this or die at the hands of your crazy ass father?"

"...you win."

"Great! Done!"

Hanabi stood up and walked to the mirror. Her eyes widened. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!" She roared. She was dressed in a huge diaper, a little t-shirt and was wearing a bid and bonnet set.

"Oh come on Hanabi! It's not that bad!" Tenten said, walking over to her and placing a hand on her head. "Actually, it could be the next spring fashion!"

"Shut it Tenten."

"No."

"Yes."

"No, no pupils."

"Yes, no clan."

"No, my-dad-hasn't-gotten-control-of-his-assiness."

"Touche."

"Anyway, get into this stroller and pretend to be a baby. Maybe Hiashi will leave us alone after he sees you!" She pointed to a stroller in the corner. "Once you are in there, enter baby mode!"

"No.way.in.HE-"

"DADDY AND HIS ASSINESS!" Tenten sang.

Hanabi grumbled. "Fine." As she was making her way to the stroller, she was cursing under her breathe. Some words the were audiable were 'bitch', 'shun' and 'f you daddy!'. Tenten happily pushed the stroller into the kitchen, where everyone was waiting. Seeing Hanabi, everyone couldn't help, but burst out laughing. Neji did not laugh. Wait...nevermind. He fell behind the table from lack of air.

Gai walked in, yawning. "So what did I-" He started, but when he opened his eyes to see Hanabi, he stopped. He put a hand out in front of him. "I don't even want to know." He said, walking back to where he was to get some more sleep. Tenten sighed and opened the front door.

"F YOU ALL!" Hanabi yelled as she and Tenten left the house. Neji, regaining himself, followed.

He was the supposed father wasn't he?

:X:

Currently, Hiashi had tied Sasuke and Sakura together, trying to get them to...YOU KNOW... "DO SOMETHING!" Hiashi roared. "ANYTHING!"

Sasuke and Sakura stared at him like he was crazy. "What do you want from us anyway?" Sakura asked, speaking up for both of them.

Hiashi smiled. "Grandkidsssss..." He whispered, holding the s out. Great. NOW he sounds like Orochimaru. "I would LOVE some grandkidssss..."

"BUT WE ARE EVEN RELATED!" Hiashi, Sasuke and Sakura turned to see the other tied up victums, Shikamaru and Temari. "WHY AM I EVEN IN THIS VILLAGE?!" Temari continued to rant.

"Because. Your babies will be beautifullllll..."

"Okay. The holding out the last letter thing is really freaking me out."

"Oh HIAAAASSSSHHHI!" Came a call. Hiashi turned his head to see Tenten and Neji with a stroller. His heart soared. "Ummm...why are you guys here?" Tenten asked, seeing Sasuke, Sakura, Shikamaru and Temari.

"He said he want's grandkids so he's using us." Sasuke answered. Tenten opened her mouth. "I don't get it either."

"Ahhh...were is the little darling?" Hiashi asked as he walked over to the stroller. At least he didn't hold out the g... Tenten lowered her head to show that the 'baby' was down there. Hiashi kneeled down right infront of the 'baby;. "Hello-erm..." Hiashi looked up. "Name?" He whispered.

Neji and Tenten jumped. The name! THEY FORGOT THE NAME! "Ummm...wrm..." Tenten said. "Errrrmmm...AVACADO!" She yelled, then swated a hand over her mouth. AVACADO? WHAT THE HELL?!

Hiashi smiled and looked back down at the baby. "Hello Avacado!" He said in a sweet voice. "I'm Hiashi, your grandfather. Can you say Hiashi?"

It took everything to keep Hanabi from laughing. She opened her mouth and said. "Iiiiiii..."

"No, no! HIASHI!"

"Hhhhhh..."

"No! HIASHI!"

"Aaaaaa..." Currently, everyone around Hiashi and Hanabi were biting there tongues, trying to hold in their laughter.

"No. HIASHI!"

"Ssssss..."

"NO. HIASHI!"

"Asasasasasa..."

"NO. HIASHI!"

"Hshshshshs.."

"SAY HIASHI YOU DUMB BABY!" Hiashi yelled.

"...NO."

"What?" Hiashi's eyes widen as he stared at the baby. Hanabi clamped a hand over her mouth.

Uh-oh.

* * *

**What will happen? What will be Hanabi's fate?**

**WHY DID TENTEN SAY AVACADO?**

**...wait..I can't answer the last one. Ha ha!**

**R&R please!**

**-Chibi Shino**


	6. Excuse Me?

**Hello all! I decided I'm going to try to update this story as fast as possible!**

**Disclaimer: Me owning Naruto is like NejiInari...HOW did that happen?!**

**Okay! LET'S CONTINUE!**

* * *

**When Hiashi Wants Grandkids...**

**By Chibi Shino**

**Chapter 6: **Excuse me?

Everyone stared wide-eyed at Hanabi/Avacado. Hiashi started to glared at her. "Did that baby just say NO?" He asked dangerously. He might be catching on... Tenten gulped. She needed to think of an excuse and FAST. Neji gulped as Hiashi turned to him. "What IS this Neji?" Hiashi asked as he cracked his kunckles.

Oh shit.

Neji turned to Tenten with pleading eyes as if to say 'SAVE ME NOW, DAMMIT!'. Tenten stood there thinking as Hiashi made his way towards Neji. "Hurry up Tenten..." He said through clenched teeth. Hiashi rasied his fist.

Suddenly Tenten yelled, "YAY! Avacado's first word!" She ran over to 'Avacado' and hugged her. "Mommy's so proud of you! Say it again!" Tenten actually sounded like a suprised mother. Hiashi swooned and walked over to the carriage. Neji sighed. THAT was a close one...

"No!" Hanabi exclaimed. Everyone clapped. "NO!" She yelled. Everyone clapped once more. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hanabi wailed.

:X:

"Wow. Hiashi must be stupid or something..." Shikamaru sighed as he flipped through a book.

Temari turned to him. "How? And where did you get that book?" She asked.

"Babies are born nine months after the mother is announced pregnant." Shika stated. "AND you don't want to know." He added. Temari shivered after he said that. "So how are we getting out of this mess?" He asked.

"YOU SHOULD KNOW!" Shikamaru and Temari turned to an angry, squrming Sakura. "YOU'RE THE GENIUS AFTER ALL!" She added as she stopped squrming. "Damn rope..." Suddenly she had a thought. "Wait. We're ninja. How can we NOT get out of this?"

Everyone around her pondered. That was actually a very good question.

One second later, they all started to charge to Hiashi.

:X:

"Avacado! WILL YOU NOW SAY HIASHI?" Hiashi asked in his little annoying high-pitched voice.

"NO!" Hanabi smugly replied.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-OOF!" Hiashi went down with a thump and Sasuke tackled him and started to beat him with a kunai.

"YEAH! GIVE IT TO HIM GOOD SASUKE!" Temari yelled. Everyone turned to her. "Ohhhhh...WOOPSIES!"

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Hiashi roared as Sasuke continued to whack him with a kunai.

"...Sasuke. Just cudori him." Sakura said. Sasuke stood up and used lightning blade.

Sasuke charged at Hiashi, who was being held by Shikamaru's shadow. Right before the blade hit, Shikamaru deactivated the jutsu in time. Hiashi jumped away in the nick of time! Sasuke growled and stabbed him.

Tenten's eyes widened. "HEY! DON'T KILL HIM! WE JUST FINISHED TRICKING H-" She started.

Hiashi turned to her. "What?"

Tenten popped a hand over her mouth.

Crap.

* * *

**Eek! It's so short! Sorry!**

**At least I updated! XD**

**R&R please!**

**-Chibi Shino**


	7. Hiashi's On the Loose!

**Ahh! This update is so late! I'm sorry!**

**Don't kill me! T.T**

**Wait...if you kill me, you will never find out the end and THEN you'd be SCREWED!**

**MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA-cough WHEEZE-AAAAAAAAAAAA!**

**Disclaimer: Me owning Naruto is like TazunaTen... THAT'S CRAZY!**

**Warning: Sasuke VERY OOC in this chappie.**

**Yeah...people where telling me how to spell chidori... **

**Sorry... I know I suck... -sweatdrop- **

**Okay...LET'S CONTINUE!**

* * *

**When Hiashi Want's Grandkids**

**By Chibi Shino**

**Chapter 7: **_Hiashi's On The Loose!_

_Recap:_

_Tenten's eyes widened. "HEY! DON'T KILL HIM! WE JUST FINISHED TRICKING H-" She started._

_Hiashi turned to her. "What?"_

_Tenten popped a hand over her mouth._

_Crap._

_End of recap._

:X:

"Did you just say you just finished TRICKING ME?" Hiashi asked, dangerously. Everyone remained silent. He walked towards the 'baby'. "And who might you be?" He bent down and ripped of the bonnet. "Hanabi?" Hiashi stared at her blankly. "Is that you?"

"Ummm...no?" She gulped, seeing the evil aura around her father. "I'll be going now." Hanabi hopped out of the carriage, walked over to Neji and Tenten, whispered, "Good luck." and ran away at the speed of light.

Tenten gulped. Neji gulped. Hiashi cracked his knuckles and made his way towards Sasuke and the others.

:X:

"WHAT THE HELL?! LET ME GO!" Temari roared as Hiashi locked her, Shikamaru, Sasuke and Sakura in a chakra-resistant dungeon. "Where did you get this anyway? It's very nice... I would want to get one for myself as well..." She added, admiring.

"Oh. Just go on ebay and search 'chakra dungeon'! They have a wide variety with many different interiors!" Hiashi squealed.

Temari wrote the notes down. " Thank you!" She thanked.

"You're welcome!" Hiashi cheered. "Anyway..." He cleared his troat. "You are to stay here until I have had my revenge and the couple over THERE, " He pointed angerly at Neji and Tenten, who were standing in the open. "HAS BABIES." He concluded. Temari turned to the two with pleading eyes. Neji and Tenten shook their heads in reply. Temari growled. Hiashi smiled wickedly. "Fine thennnnn..." He walked away, leaving the four to suffer.

"Why do you want to make us to the nasty?!" Tenten demanded as Hiashi made his way towards her and Neji.

"Because I want grandkidssssssssss..." Hiashi hissed. "Wait!" He cocked his head to the side. "Weren't you falling for Neji 3 chapters ago?" He asked.

Tenten jumped. Oh yeah...romantic tension... She looked down at her feet. "Oh yes...that..." She popped her head up. "Wait... how did I forget I like Neji?"

Hiashi stared at her. "Know what? I have no idea... That will just get me more love makin'!" He cheered.

"No Hiashi. Never again." Neji stated. Hiashi turned to him and growled. Neji just shook his head and sighed in return. "Idiot..." He added under his breath.

Snap. That got Hiashi. A cage suddenly fell on the two 'lovers'. "MUAHAHAHAHAAAA!" Hiashi yelled. "I FINALLY have you in my clutches!" He ranted.

"OH SUGAR HONEY ICED TEA!" Tenten cursed.

"Anyway, you stay here and MAKE LOVE as I go torture people, kay?" Hiashi asked happily. Neji and Tenten simply shook their heads. "You never liked Neji did you Tenten?" Tenten nodded her head. Hiashi growled and yelled, "FINE! THE VILLAGE WILL SUFFER THEN!" He poofed away. Neji and Tenten stared blankly at the spot.

Oh...CRAP...

* * *

"I hate my life..." BANG! "I hate my life..." BANG! "I hate my life..." 

"Sasuke! Stop being emo and help us break out of here!" Yelled an angry Sakura.

Sasuke turned to her. "We will never get out of here." He stated and turned back to hitting his head against the wall. "I hate my life..." BANG! "I hate my life..." BANG!

Temari sighed. "Can the Uchiha ever not be emo?" Insert no here. "Oh well... HEY, EMO KING! GO BE EMO OVER NEAR THIS DOOR WILL YA?"

Sasuke walked over to the door. "I hate my life..." BANG! "I hate my life..." BANG! CRASH! "...huh?" Sasuke looked up at the collapsed door. Sasuke turned towards the dumbfounded group. He struck the good guy pose. "EMONESS PREVAILS!" He cheered.

* * *

"No...NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Cried Ino. Hiashi had her tied up next to Kiba and Shino. "...why are those to here?" She pointed to them. 

Hiashi smiled. "THREESOME!" He cheered. Ino stared at him like he was crazy, Kiba gasped and Shino threw up in a bag.

* * *

"Ugh... LET.US.OUT!" Tenten shook the bars. "Damn you Hiashi!" She shouted to the sky. "DAMN YOU!" 

Neji sighed. "Tenten. It's no use." It's true. They tried everything. They used a kunai, ninja stars, juken, rotation, a fish, a medieval flail, a balloon, an erasier... Hey! Tenten, have you been reading that book again?

"Hee hee..." Tenten giggled, tucking the book into her pocket. "Anyway," She continued. "How should we get out of here?"

Right after she said that, a shout came from above. "DO NOT WORRY MY DEAR! CAPITAN EMO FIRE LEAF IS HERE!"

Tenten gasped. "It's a bird! IT'S A PLANE!"

Neji cut her off. "It's an OOC idiot wearing a cheap ass costume from halloween last year." He stated.

Sasuke pouted. "RUIN MY MOMENT WHY DON'T YOU?!"

Tenten stared at the emo boy curiously. "AH HA! FOUND YOU!" She turned to see Sakura running toward them, Shikamaru and Temari following close behind. "Hi...Tenten..." She panted as she stopped in front of her. "Apparently Sasuke hit his head one too many times on the wall..."

"MEANIE!" Was the reply. Sasuke jumped out of the tree and... DAMN! Neji was right! Sasuke was wearing an old batman costume from halloween YEARS ago! "And it's CAPITAN EMO FIRE LEAF too YOU missy!" He added.

"...one too many times? I think you mean 20." Tenten corrected.

Sasuke charged at the cage. "HYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He yelled, karate chopping the bars off. He smirked with pride. "There! YOU'RE FREEEEEEE!" He skipped toward the village.

Neji and Tenten stared at him like he was a psychopath. "What in the name off...?" Was the only thing that came out of Neji's mouth.

* * *

"AH! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Ino wailed as Hiashi started to whip them. 

"Do something! I COMMANDITH THEE!" He roared.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!"

Hiashi gasped and look behind him. He chuckled. "Some guy in a cheap old batman halloween costume is going to beat me?"

Sasuke stomped on them ground. "NO!" He complained like a little kid. "I am CAPITAN EMO FIRE LEAF! I will DEFEAT YOU!" He punched the air. "COME ON SPARKLES!"

"Sparkles?" Hiashi questioned.

Right after he said that, Sasuke's hair flipped off his head and a head, two wings and popped out off it. It was a chicken! "BAGAAAAAAAAG!" It screamed as it went into it's karate stance.

"YES!" Sasuke cheered. He went into the same stance as Sparkles. "CAPITAN EMO FIRE LEAF and SPARKLES vs. HIASHI!" He yelled.

Hoo boy...

* * *

**Yeah...how I thought off this...? Even I don't know...XD**

**The Tenten and the book joke was from my one-shot, How To Remove A Curse Mark!**

**You should check it out if you haven't!**

**R&R please!**

**-Chibi Shino**


	8. Call The Fashion Police!

**O.o... I updated?**

**I UPDATED! IT'S A MIRACLE!**

**_Random generic disclaimer!_**

**-Still crying from happiness- I updated...**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

**When Hiashi Wants Grandkids**

**By Chibi Shino**

**Chapter 8: **Call The Fashion Police!

_Recap:_

_Right after he said that, Sasuke's hair flipped off his head and a head, two wings and popped out off it. It was a chicken! "BAGAAAAAAAAG!" It screamed as it went into it's karate stance._

_"YES!" Sasuke cheered. He went into the same stance as Sparkles. "CAPITAN EMO FIRE LEAF and SPARKLES vs. HIASHI!" He yelled._

_Hoo boy..._

_End of Recap._

:X:

Hiashi just stared at the scene before him. A crack job of a boy stood in front of him, ready to fight... in _tights. _Hiashi scoffed. This was not going to be a challenge at all! He thought for a moment that he might have trouble that it was 2-on-1, but then put that worry away because it was the Hyuga head against a boy in tights... and a _chicken_.

There's not that much competition now is there?

Hiashi scoffed once more. Sasuke growled. "ENOUGH SCOFFING!" He yelled. "Me and sparkles will take you down in a flash!"

Hiashi took mild offence to this comment, then brushed it off. "You think you can _win_?" He asked in disbelief. Sasuke nodded. Hiashi laughed. "This is a joke. This FIGHT is a joke! You'll never win!" A vain popped on Sasuke's forehead.

**Strike one...**

"I mean," Hiashi continued to rant. "Who fights in _tights_?" He laughed.

**Strike two…**

"Come on! I need a real challenge! You're going to loose, boy!" He taunted. "You are a _loser_. All you will be is a _loser_. There might be a case where you are not a loser, but over all you are a _loser_.

**Strike three. Hiashi's OUT!**

Sakura and Naruto gulped.They knew what that look on Sasuke's face meant. The expression was a mixture of a glare and constipation. Basically, Sasuke was _pissed_. The OOCness didn't help to much either. Sparkles went, "Bagag?" When he saw his masters face.

Sasuke finally snapped. "Who the _HELL _do you think you are?!" He demanded, getting out of his karate pose and flailing his arms like a madman. Hiashi just stared as the boy started to run around in circles, still flailing his arms. "I'm here trying to defeat you and you pick on my tights?!" He continued to rant. "I'm here to DEFEAT YOU, not to talk about fashion!" Sparkles clucked in agreement before slapping Hiashi across the face with his tail. "YEAH! THAT'LL TEACH HIM TO MESS WITH US SPARKLES!" He face Sparkles a high five... high wing...? High... whatever. Either way, he congradulated a CHICKEN.

Hiashi rubbed the side off his face, growling at the pain. "Well you have to agree." He wiped his face. His face cringed in disgust as he spit out a few feathers. After a minute of wiping of his tougue with soap, Hiashi continued. "The tights don't match with the shirt and you are wearing a LIOTARD. Someone call the fashion police!" He threw his hands in the air. Sasuke blinked. Was it really that bad? "And don't get me even STARTED with your shoes!"

Sasuke looked down at his feet, then looked back up. "These are my ninja shoes..." He said innocently.

"With tights?" Hiashi crossed his arms and sighed. "Boy, you need fashion help." He put on hand on his hip and the other one in the air. "I WILL TAKE YOU AND MAKE YOU FABULOUS!" He exclaimed. Sasuke looked at him like he was crazy. Hiashi was the fabulous one. Fabulously _gay_. Hiashi sighed, grabbed Sasuke and dragged him to the door. "Come boy. Were're going clothes shopping." He stated before the opened door. Sasuke mouthed a 'Save me!' to his friends before the door slammed shut.

Neji and Tenten slapped their foreheads. Why did this always happen to THEM?!

* * *

**Yeah... quick chappie... but funny!**

**...right?**

**R&R please!**

**-Chibi Shino**


	9. Not Again!

**Hola!**

_**Random Generic Disclaimer!**_

**...I really have to get back to the plot...XD**

**This is going to be the last filler chappie before Hiashi goes back to his orginal plan!**

**Yeahs...ENJOY!**

* * *

**When Hiashi Wants Grandkids**

**By Chibi Shino**

**Chapter 9: **Not Again!

How did it come do this?

That's what Neji asked himself as they walked through Konoha looking for an OOC Sasuke and a fabulous Hiashi. Wasn't he just trying to force him to have grandkids with Tenten? But now..._now _he's helping Sasuke find the best outfit. Neji shrugged. Oh well. Whatever help's him forget about his other plan. "Neji!" Neji suddenly popped back into focus when a pair of snapping fingers woke him up from his daydream. "Come on!" He recognized the voice as Tenten's.

"Where are we going, anyway?" Neji asked.

Tenten turned to him and looked at him like he was crazy. "The Clothing store, _duh_!"

"Ah." Neji decided to leave it at that. They walked into a very chic looking store. Bright colors were everywhere. "_Ugh_." Neji couldn't help but groan. Suddenly, he pointed to his left. "There they are."

The group (Neji, Tenten and Sakura) turned their heads to see Hiashi holding a frilly pink shirt. "See, Sasuke? _This _is what fashion is." Hiashi is obviously blind of good fashion. "And..._ah ha_!" He picked up a pair of tight leather pants. "This will look great with this!" He threw the clothes to Sasuke, who became sane the moment the horrid clothes hit his body. "THIS will complete the outfit!" Hiashi turned around and showed Sasuke the medallion he was holding. It said 'The Special Sauce'.

Okay enough of this.

"Okay. Hiashi." Sasuke dropped all the clothes that he was holding, causing Hiashi to gasp in complete suprise.

"What are you _doing_?!" Hiashi demanded, but seeing the look on Sasuke face, realised he was back.

Back, and more pissed than ever.

Hiashi laughed, "So...Saucy's back, or should I say Captain Emo Fire Leaf?" Sasuke didn't remember what happened previously, so he was shocked.

How did he know about his secret identity?!

"Hiashi..." Sasuke growled dangrously. Hiashi gulped. Uh-oh. "Do those shoes come in my size?"

Hiashi blinked. WHAT? "Yes...yes they do!" Hiashi exclaimed, pointing to the shoe rack to his left. "They are Sketchers, model #454545, brown and whatever your shoe size is!" He squealed. Tenten brust out laughing at the doorway because of this. Uchiha?! Buying shoes?! COME ON OUT, ASHTON!

"Tenten." Neji calmed Tenten down. "We are here to get Sasuke back, not to laugh at hi-" Neji couldn't finish when he saw Sasuke wearing a dress.

"Sasuke, STAND STILL!" Hiashi commanded as he stuck another needle into the hideous thing.

"...never mind. Continue for both of us." Neji allowed. Tenten fell to the floor with all the laughter she was letting out. It was a wonder the two 'men' couldn't hear her... Neji turned to Sakura, who was also on the floor laughing. "Sakura." Sakura stopped laughing and wiped a tear, showing she was listening. "Can you go save Sasuke?" Sakura nodded and kicked a moveable rack in Hiashi's direction.

"...and then I'll put the needle right-OOF!" Hiashi was run over by the rack, allowing Sasuke to get free.

Sakura quickly grabbed Sasuke and put him underher arm. "RUN!" She yelled to Neji and Tenten. They were long gone anyway.

"Sakura..." Sasuke growled dangerously.

"Hm?" She asked sweetly.

"PUT.ME.DOWN."

"No can do, emo boy." She said simply. "We have to hide you somewhere or Hiashi's going to get you again, _Captain Emo Fire Leaf_." Sakura teased. Sasuke blushed in embarressment. She knew his secret too?! When they finally made it to the Uchiha compount, Sakura tied Sasuke up to his bed. "...there!" She let out a satisfied cheer. "Now Hiashi can't get you! That's a double trple mutiple monkey knot!" She explained, pointing a finger in the air. "All Kunochi's have to know who to tie one!"

"You just made this up, didn't you?" Sasuke questioned smarly.

"...yeah..." Sakura admitted. "BUT!" She pointed at him. "Now Hiashi can't get you!"

"Yeah, but you can get me out, right?" Sasuke asked. Sakura laughed nervously and backed up towards the door. "...right?" He asked again, hpoing to god the answer wasn't no.

Sakura left in one second flat.

* * *

"Okay, so Hiashi was crushed by a shopping rack and he's probably still there, right?" Neji nodded at Tenten's evaluation. "That means he was probably hit in the head pretty hard, right?" Neji nodded again. "That means he might be back to normal! He might forget about his orginal plan! ...although we'll still be married..." 

"What about divorce?" Neji suggested.

Tenten shook her head. "No. He'll probably has how we got married in the first place. Then we would have to tell him the whole story!"

"We could alway's say 'Vegas!'."

"Neji. NO." Tenten smacked him on the head. "Now we can finally go back to the way we were before...just married."

"Oh don't think I'm going to give up that easy..." Neji and Tenten whipped around to see Hiashi standing over them, swinging a lasso over his head.

"Neji! How could you not feel his presesce?!" Tenten whispered quickly.

"How couldn't _you_?" Neji asked smarty. "Afterall, you're a ninja too."

"YOU'RE THE PRODIGY!"

In a quick movement, Hiashi a\had tied them together and they were in the same mess they had been at the begining.

* * *

**I think that's the longest chapter to date!**

**nOOb W00t!**

**R&R please!**

**-Chibi Shino**


	10. Note I suck

I.

AM.

SO.

SORRY.

It's been... Oh god... MONTHS since I've even been on this website! (God I suck...) So I'm back to say this one message....

I have to be honest... I haven't caught up with Naruto at all. I'm kinda lost. XD So can you leave a review telling me what the hells going on? My god... This is what I get! XD XD

OH! And yes. I am going to be putting up chapters as soon as I can! :D

LOVELOVELOVE(I WANT UR LUV.)

- Rachie


	11. Free As the Drunk?

**WahHA! I'm back and better than ever, baby! :D**

**_Random Generic Disclaimer!_**

**Get the reference coming up and you're my best friend.**

**Enjoy! :D**

**

* * *

**

**When Hiashi Wants Grandkids**

**By Your Pet Peeve**

**Chapter 10: **_Free as the-...drunk?_

"I hate you..."

"..."

"I hate you."

"..."

"I hate you!"

"..."

"I HATE-"

"SHUT UP, TENTEN."

"Bite me..." The girl murmured, squirming at the rope that had her hands together. "If YOU weren't late, this wouldn't have happened!"

Neji growled. "If YOU weren't so obnoxiously annoying, then you never would have barged in and got us in this situation!"

"If YOU didn't come LATE all the time, then I would have no reason to scold you!"

"If I hadn't barged in, then you would of had to marry HINATA!" Tenten smirked. Neji twitched. "HA."

"ENOUGH ARGUING, YOU FOOLS." Hiashi silenced them with a smack of the head.

Tenten looked at him with horror. "Did you just-"

SMACK.

"...seriously? WHAT'S YOUR-"

SMACK.

"STOP TH-"

SMACK.

"I'LL FREAKING-"

SMACK. "SILENCE." Hiashi roared. "I KILL YOU." Tenten shut up. "Now that that OBSTACLE has been cleared, we can get down to business." Hiashi set up a video camera and stared at the two confused teenagers. "And... ACTION." He clicked the button.

"Hiashi... What the hell?" Neji stared at him like he was crazy.

Hiashi smiled. "SEX TAPE!"

"Hell no... Oh HELL no." Tenten somehow got to her feet and ran away.

The crazy man followed her, leaving Neji all by himself. He sighed. "Finally." He used rotation and escaped. He ran in the other direction.

Hiashi couldn't get them both.

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"And then... And then... AND THEN HE... Then he hit me. ME. We aren't even... CONNECTED... By... Relation and stuff... And I'm a... Not... Balls... GIRL! How low... LOW... low... is that?" Tenten took another swig of sake and burped.

"That is-hic-LOW AS-hic-hell." Tsunade responded.

"AND HELL IS PRETTY FREAKIN' LOW..." They high fived for a moment before passing out.

* * *

"Where is that panda haired daughter-in-law of mine?" Hiashi steamed, stopping through the village. Everyone moved out of the way. He was like a god... A pissed off god that no one prayed to because they didn't know what would happen to them if they did... "They WILL have babies... THEY WILLLLLLLLLL..." He vowed, twitching in impatience.

* * *

Neji walked through the village, relaxing finally. It's was a pretty hectic day... Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something coming for him. Assuming the worst, he slapped at hit. He was horrified to see it was Tenten. ...an extremely intoxicated Tenten. "Wha-what-WHAT THE- ...hell... DUDE... With hair... And... hair..." Tenten yelled drunkenly. "First the crazy guy who wants grandkids and now... NOW... NOW-! ...YOU? What are you doing here?" Neji just stared, slightly amused at his teammates current state. "...YOU HIT ME!" She yelled. She rubbed her cheek. "How... freakin'... Rude... AS HELL... And yeah... Hell is freakin'...- Freakin'... NEJI?"

"Yes, Tenten?"

"Why... Where...? I like... FAKE... Things..."

Neji blinked.

What the...?

"Like... They look real... But... LIKE THIS PANCAKE." She picked up a circular rock. "It's very... Real... Like... And stuff."

Tenten may have been drunk... As hell... And come on. Hell is pretty drunk, but it gave Neji one hell of an idea.

* * *

**CLIFFIE!**

**So... What's the crazy idea?**

**Find out next chapter! :D**

**R&R!**

**- Your Pet Peeve**


	12. The Wrath of Pancakes

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**This is the only story I'm actually continuing.**

**I can't help it. It's so fun to write! XD**

_**Random Generic Disclaimer!**_

**Enjoy!**

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"Mr. Pancake..." Tenten slurred. She bit it with a loud crunch. Neji looked at her with horror, but didn't say anything, secretly amused at his drunken teammate. "... YOU TASTE LIKE SHIT." She threw the rock on the ground. "AH. I'M SORRY I'M SO SORRY." She looked back on the ground. "... Hey... A pancake!"

"TENTEN." Neji spoke loudly, attempting to get the girl's attention. Tenten ignored him, slowly reaching down to get the 'pancake'. Neji grabbed a kunai and used the reflected light onto the ground.

Tenten watched the light in wonder. "I WANT IT. JESUS I WANT." She dove at it, but missed. Neji smirked. She's like a cat. "Now Tenten, pay attention. I want to-"

"IT SO FREAKING SHINY. COME BACK. I WANT YOU FOREVER."

"Tenten."

"BACK OFF. IT'S MINE!"

"Ten-"

"MINE, DAMMIT." Neji put the kunai away. Tenten stopped. "Where did my shiny...? Why shiny...? WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY- Is that a pancake?" She went right back to the rock.

Neji sighed as Hiashi came out of nowhere. "Finally! I've found you!" Hiashi roared, throwing his head back at letting out a victorious 'HARHARHARRRR!'.

Tenten stared at him wide-eyed. "... Uncle Jimmy?"

Hiashi stopped. "What, you strange bunned female?"

"Uncle Jimmy!" She tackled him. "It's been so long since I have eaten your delicious fried- Where's the donkey you promised me?" She growled, suddenly serious.

"... Excuse me?"

"Where. Is. The. DONKEY?" Neji had to hold back a chuckle. "You. Said. I. Deserved. A. Donkey."

"Because Konoha totally needs a bigger ass than you..." Hiashi grumbled.

The world seemed to freeze.

Neji sighed. "You idiot."

Tenten silently walked over to Mr. Pancake. "... FEEL MY PANCAKE WRATH, YOU BIDDY!" She grabbed as many rocks as she could and began chucking then at Hiashi.

Neji shrugged.

Better than the plan he thought of.

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**Sorry for the unbelievable shortness.**

**I'm in a rush. xD**

**R&R please!**

**~ Your Pet Peeve**


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